Facing Fear

First Step to Facing Fear is Identify It

• Fail
• Succeed
• Say or do the wrong thing
• Don't know the answer
• Get a client
• Don't get enough clients
• Can't quite cut it
• Don't make enough money

Unreasonable thoughts attack your rational mind, inventing terrifying tales, which further justify or magnify your fears. When you hear yourself say or think, "But, what if," you are caught in a common pattern of projecting fear and doubt into your dream. With this thinking, as you move toward your dream, you'll also move toward your fears and worst nightmares. With too much to risk, most of us give up or never even begin.

6 Tips for Facing Fear and Doing Something About It

1. If you feel afraid or indecisive, this simple exercise can help you stabilize. Draw a line across the center of a paper. On the top, write your dream in as much detail as possible. On the bottom, write out your reality (about this dream) including your fears, doubts and "but what ifs".

   Are you more committed to your dream or to your fear?

   Two things will cause you to be more committed to your fear. First, if you don't have a clearly defined dream. Second, if you project your worst fears into your dream, you'll choose reality because it's safer. But when fear is placed in its proper place, as part of reality, it is easier to be more committed to your vision, and by facing fear it simply becomes something to manage.

2. As you connect to your dreams or at different intervals along your path, you'll often run into the voice of your "Doubter." We typically ignore or obsess over this aspect, because it tells us everything that might go wrong. Left unattended, this voice can be disruptive. But turn the Doubter down and it becomes the voice of the "Realist," who primarily wants to know what you are planning, usually related to time and money issues.

   Early on, you may not have all the details figured out, which is why going to strategy too soon can actually hinder or limit your dream.

   Interview your Doubter and be curious. Capture its needs, insights and wisdom by completing these sentences (multiple times):

   "The way I sabotage ________'s (your name) dream is _________."
   Example: "The way I sabotage Jenny's dream is by having her doubt herself and quit."

   "When I am running _________'s (your name) life, I _________."
   Example: "When I am running Jenny's life, I keep her too busy to focus on what's important."

   "What I need from _________ (your name) is _____________________."
   Example: "What I need from Jenny is for her to have faith, to get help, to breathe."

3. Your Doubter can provide a list of obstacles based on its fears and concerns, which are either limiting beliefs (an internal job) or require a plan (an external job). Some obstacles may be both and they can be real or imagined. The Dream Coach® rule is, wherever there's an obstacle design a strategy to manage it. Make a list of your obstacles and identify which ones are negative self-perceptions or beliefs and which ones require strategies.

   Example: Obstacles List (for your dream to grow your practice)

   • I don't know how. (belief and strategy)
   • I'm afraid I will fail. (belief)
   • I don't have the money. (strategy)
   • I'm too tired. (belief and strategy)
   
   The first step in managing and facing fear is to identify exactly what you are afraid if. Just saying, "I'm afraid," can be a whitewash and keep you stuck. Identify what you fear.

   If you are afraid you can't make a good living doing what you want, explore ways to check out your assumptions or to get training.
   
   Go secure a paying client, find a mentor coach who can help you figure out what to charge.

   Sometimes there is no evidence that this is the right time to pursue your dream, especially if you focus on your fear, or even some aspects of reality. Don't look in your checkbook, the stock market or in the approval of others for evidence of whether or not you should be afraid or believe in your dream. The place to look to is in your own heart. Can you believe in something because it matters to you and demonstrate that you believe in it by taking action? This is where powerful breakthroughs occur.

4. Here's a critical and proven point. Beliefs are never neutral. They either move you forward or hold you back, but you choose what to believe.

   The way to move from limiting beliefs that hold you back to empowering beliefs that move you forward is through willingness, courage and practice. Be willing to believe in yourself and your dreams. Have courage in facing fear and acting on what you believe. Develop this as part of your identity by practicing this behavior continuously until it becomes true.

5. Are you aware of what typically stops you? For most of us, it has to do with doing something we hate, we're not good at, or that we have no idea how to tackle. It can be frightening and when that task is essential to the success of your venture, it could be your demise. Don't allow one need or issue to destroy your dream. Here are some options for facing fear in such a situation.
   • Identify the block or area of concern.
   • Decide if you are going to tackle it yourself.
   • If not, find someone who can do it with or for you.
   • Hire them or trade for something they need.
   • Get back into action on the areas where you excel.

   If your dream is to write a book but you can't type or are computer-phobic, this doesn't have to stop you. Learn a new skill or hire someone. If you can't afford that, explore bartering. If you are branching out into a new area and lack knowledge or experience, educating yourself is essential, but does it make more sense to take a class or would it be faster and easier to find a mentor? Get creative and get going. The time you waste worrying would best be used seeking guidance and finding answers.

6. Overcoming and facing fear and other obstacles (even time and money issues) is assisted by enrolling others into your vision. Master this skill and you'll accomplish bigger dreams with less effort. One of the most powerful ways to overcome the fear of not having clients/making enough money is to be able to talk to anyone, anytime and anyplace about their dreams in a way where they feel inspired. Ask what their personal or professional dreams are and explore how you can help them achieve what they want. Build enough value and the objection around cost often disappears. Here are the key steps:
   1. Establish rapport and relationship
   2. Build value by asking good questions. If you're not interested, move on (or refer another coach).
   3. Overcome objections by revisiting steps #1 and 2.
   4. Secure an agreement by negotiating as needed. It could be for a meeting, or a next step. If your prospect says no, be courageous and ask why. Make specific requests allowing it to be easy for others to say yes.

Building an arsenal of winning behaviors and people that you can reach out to in a pinch are pivotal when facing fear. There's nothing worse then feeling desperate and having no place to turn. Develop a robust database of brilliant resources that you can access at any given moment. Build a community of fellow dreamers or join one that already exists: www.amazingdreamers.com

Life will rush in, systems will fall apart and you may have meltdowns. Being a coach doesn't mean you won't have setbacks or ever be afraid. Quite the contrary. It's incredibly freeing to fail without considering yourself a failure or to be afraid and to risk any way. Successful coaches have ups and downs and live to tell. By sharing your life's experiences and magical moments of fear and of courage, you best serve your clients and the world.

Marcia Wieder is the founder of Dream University® and the creator of the Dream Coach® method. Go to DreamUniversity.com for an inspiring gift.

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