Sweet Idealization

by Anne Paris, PhD

As I saw him from about 50 feet down the aisle, I felt a wave of sheer thrill, excitement, and awe. There, walking directly toward me was Peter Gabriel. Perhaps similar to the moment before death, in a split second I experienced a barrage of memories, feelings, and connections. All my life had been--there was Peter Gabriel, woven directly into the fabric of who I had become.

And there he was, the actual man singing the actual music I had danced to, partied to, dreamt to, grew up to. The music that, since I was 16, would continually take my breath away and at the same time, give me life, hope, and passion. Who would I have become if I didn't breathe in the music of first Genesis and then later Peter Gabriel? What a different person I would be. Peter Gabriel's music stirred my own creativity.

It transformed me as I listened to it. Who followed whom? The music both followed my growth and created it. It took root so deeply, so deep within me, that the lines between me and the music melted away.

Here was the man I had idealized, idolized, and yet felt totally at one with. He expressed me in his music. I expressed myself in response. Here was the man that, for 30 years, had been a vital part of my energy. I was inspired, strengthened, comforted by him. His music had served as my religion. And here was the man--walking toward me.

As he moved closer to me, he looked straight in my eyes. I was transfixed: I can see deeply, deeply. Do you see me? Can you see what's behind and through my eyes? Do you feel the same resonance? Do you know how I feel? "Please, please" I prayed, "please come to me". I said those words, quietly, but I hoped he could read my lips. For about 30 feet, I had an eye-lock with Peter Gabriel. I think he did read my lips! He walked straight toward me--another wave of religious awe.

Like a child, I held my hand out ("please touch me, please touch me"). Unashamed, hopeful, perhaps even a bit entitled, I reached to him. He took my hand as he waltzed by, the touch lingering for what thankfully felt like 10 seconds. My sense of time was out of whack. I was in a state of awe-of bliss-of feeling at my utmost best. He danced, sang, and continued on, and I returned to my seat feeling like I had just touched God.

Sweet, sweet idealization! It is a rush, a life rush. It is a life giver. I've come to respect idealization, and the subsequent moments of awe it inspires, as one of life's highs. I feel lucky to experience it. It is a sign of my strength as well as being strengthening for me. Aren't we all in search of moments of awe? Don't we all hope to surrender to sweet idealization? Peter, Peter, come to me.

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