My Woman

by Maria Rosa Sri
(Bandung, West Java, Indonesia)

My mother was always in a rush. From early in the morning, throughout all of the day, and the evening. My feeling was by 9pm she just managed to make herself sit on the couch covered with light blue velvet in total fatigue, alone but relieved.

It was time to bed for me and my sister. We were still very young. I was in the first grade of primary school and my sister was still in kindergarten. We went to bed, partly of obedience but mostly of routine. Mother used to play Mozart or any light sweet music to make it easier for me to fall asleep.

"You were diagnosed as a hyperactive lad by a psycho therapist when you were three years of age. You were still unable to utter words in a correct manner. So the therapist suggested for me to play soft calming music for you before bedtime" mother once told me.

"You just mumbled and uttered weird combinations of vowels and consonants. It was very funny though, you always made me laugh by that" she spoke louder with excitement at the thought of those times.

"Why something cheerful could be harmful at the same time... How was it that you were so late in developing your speaking ability?" she wondered.

Yes, I remembered she used to hug me very tightly and to me it seemed to be for a very long time. I could not breathe properly. I smiled back of course feeling happy to be able to create funny things that made her laugh. Actually I love telling funny things now and enjoy the roaring laughing sound of my audience. Even better I find is when the person telling the funny story stays serious, indifferent, without any laughter or even a smile on their face while telling the story. And I am good at it. I should have become a comedian. But no, I did not pick the profession of a comedian.

I am an architect, being so serious and designing buildings. I consider all the artistic points of view, drawing, drafting, and all in a very intent manner. I also do my presentations very intently with clients. And they show me their expressions of wide expectation along with big questions as to what I will present to solve their problems. Life is so strange sometimes.

"Did the music help to solve my problem Mom?" I asked her then.

"Somehow yes it did" she replied. "But you are indeed the most awake creature I have ever seen. You would barely sleep in the night. You would come awake several times. It made me wonder what nutrients I should give this cute little baby to make him go fast asleep. Till now you have always been reluctant to just go to bed, close your eyes, and make your body and mind rest" she commented.

"Hmm.. Mom, life is too good to be left unnoticed. I don't know, I always want to do something instead of closing my eyes and experiencing a good dream" I defended myself.

"But you have your body to mind too. If you feel tired and sleepy, that means your body calls for a rest. You act too much by your feeling, your desire" she added. Mother always worried about my being so keen on staying awake till after midnight, even until early in the morning.

"You would pinch me on my ear if I were still a small boy... Right Mom?" I wondered.

"Oh yea... you're damn right" she chuckled. But speaking about ears, I often looked at my own reflection in the mirror to see if my ears were getting bigger, wider soon after my mother pinched one of them. Later she told me she regretted to have done that so much because she found an article that ears are so close to the brain, which is our nerve center. We have to be careful not to ruin this important part of our body so carelessly, like pinching on them because of being emotional.

Yes, she got very emotional when I made bad scores in math, or when I continued to go out playing and coming home late. My skin got darker everyday because I went straight out of the house as soon as I reached home from school.

Mother was working for a company throughout the whole day. She dropped us at school in the morning, spent her lunch time to fetch us from school and took us home and drove back to her office. She had to go like crazy in order to not arrive back at work late. Everyday was hectic for her, but fun for me.

In school I met my close friends to play during the break time. Off school, at noon and until late in the afternoon, I could happily cycle around the neighborhood with my friends. We lived at the outskirts of the town. Actually it was quite a quiet place. Our house was just at the border of the complex. Next to it was a small village where a few vehicles would pass by.

Mother did not object to my passion to hang out with my friends, as long as my school report was good. She never demanded me to be one of the ten best students. That's why it is only natural that she was mad at me for being so neglectful over my study. But I couldn't help it. Who was I at that time. I was only a boy who found big joy in my passion of playing games with my friends, of mingling and enjoying the days with them. Boys are boys. What else?

Now I see her to be a woman who wanted everything to turn out perfect but at the same time she found it difficult to set things perfectly. God created Eve to support Adam. Mother should be a supporter to her man not to be a single fighter.

Fatigue reflected on her face and her physical and emotional gestures. Father worked outside of the town and we had him coming home only once in several months, and then only for a couple of days. Mother rarely talked about the situation so I thought everything was alright. But I must say at this moment, now I know it was not good. It was not a healthy marriage relationship.

It is breezy outside my room. The day seems to be cooler everyday. I reread the short message on my mobile. "Shall we have dinner together tonight?" the message reminded me of our appointment. She is my girl friend. I hope she will be my life partner in the near future. I must say, I will never ever leave her alone days and night. I want to be there when she needs me. I love her. I must give all my heart to her. I have to. I don't want her to be all alone walking the walk which is full of challenges of life nowadays.

Bandung, January 24, 2011
Written by Maria Rosa Sri