Post Partum Depression

by Morgaine Fitzgerald
(Cape Town, South Africa)

Post Natal Depression

and the connection to the mother role

Having a baby is a major event in a woman's life. There are so many mixed emotions that one may feel about being a mother. From the time we bring the baby back from the hospital our lives are changed.

In the initial phase of caring for an infant most of one's time is consumed with feeding, changing, and putting to sleep our babies. Often house work does not get done, meals are not cooked, and our relationships with our partners can take strain. Life as we knew it before the arrival of our baby has changed.

If we start to feel overwhelmed by our new responsibility and struggle to cope, this is normal. Having a baby is a huge adjustment that impacts on all aspects of one's life. It can take some time to develop a routine or to get the support that will help you cope.

With all the changes in one's life if one starts to feel really depressed, tearful, and unable to look after the baby, it may no longer be a case of adjusting to the situation, it could well be the start of post-partum depression.

Post-partum depression is related to a number of factors including the hormonal changes that happen when a woman has a baby, and the stress factors related to the arrival of the baby. Experiencing depression at this time could also be in part due to lack of sleep, eating irregularly and unhealthily, and also a lack of exercise. In order to deal with post-partum depression a holistic approach is best.

There are many approaches that can be of benefit, from medication to natural alternatives using a naturopath or homeopath. Identifying the factors you are struggling with and getting help will also benefit. Maybe full time domestic help or assistance from family members could provide you with support you need.

In addition to the variety of physical, environmental and genetic reasons that can be contributing to the development of post-partum depression, there are also emotional reasons.

Dealing with the emotional aspect of post-partum depression is more complex, as medication or physical support with the baby will not help. One substantial aspect of being a mother that can cause huge inner turmoil is a disconnection from the role of the mother:

The effect of our role models:


Our own experience when we were mothered plays a big role in how we mother our children. Often when we have a baby our relationship with our mothers comes to fore. Connecting with the mother role is influenced by our own experiences in childhood. Our thoughts and feeling about our experience of receiving mothering may have been totally submerged, and only the arrival of our own baby brings these feelings into the spotlight.

Our interaction with other role models like aunts, grandmothers, friends of the family and a variety of other women would all form part of what has influenced our role identification. These women gave us the model of the role of the mother. We learn by witnessing, and part of what has influenced our choices may have gone unchallenged for a long time.

It's common to have never given the women around you and the role they played in your identification of mothering much thought. But when we find ourselves having to be the mother, the way we take up this role is affected by our own experiences.

If our experience was that we never really felt nurtured, endured and loved by our mother or those around us, this can make it difficult for us to identify with mothering. Not having experienced the love and nurturing can make it very difficult to give it to our own babies. Sometimes women over-compensate for their own lack in their childhood by giving everything to their babies trying to "right the wrong". This is not a healthy approach as mothering then tends to be out of balance. The source of the mothering is out of one's own lack. It could be seen as trying to heal your own inner child through the excesses you shower on your children.


Post partum depression and the changed role of women in society:


Woman masculine's sides have become more developed as a result of us entering the work force and competing with men in all fields. Being financially independent and climbing the career ladder is a norm.

These changes have made it more difficult for some women to take on the role of mother as the role of mother requires a totally different side of one's self. The mother is compassionate, nurturing, selfless, loving, caring, intuitive and concerned with the welfare of other's. With so many women putting so much time and effort into their careers and ambitions, the development of the feminine side is sometimes neglected or under-developed. Becoming a mother is sometimes the first time a woman is confronted with her difficulty of identifying with the feminine role of the mother.

If your life has been spent driving your work and career forward, where do you access this other side of yourself so crucial for mothering?


1. Reflect on post partum depression in light of the way you mother yourself:

   
   When we are children our parents provide approval and disapproval of our behaviour, and thus our behaviour is externally moderated. When we grow up we take on that role internally. The way we self-parent affects directly how we parent our children. Becoming aware of our own inner mother's voice will make us aware of how we mother ourselves.
   
   What does your own mother voice say to you? Start to listen to what this voice is saying to you. How do you talk to yourself when you are down, when you fail, when you make mistakes, when you forget? What do you say to yourself about your achievements, your successes? The way you talk to yourself and treat yourself can be an indication of how you mother.
   
   If one is really pessimistic and critical of yourself, how do you externally love and nurture and take up the role of mother? The first step is to become aware of this voice and to address it, and then you can choose to consciously be kinder to yourself. This will affect your capacity to externally love and nurture your children. If we have inside of us a "cranky old spinster" who is always putting us down, how do we give something different to our children?

Your identification with the mother role:

We are all born whole, and you have the capacity to develop sides of yourself that are under-developed. Who you are and what you have experienced is not cast in stone, and it does not have to be the determining factor in your connection to mothering. Becoming a mother is an opportunity to heal old wounds. It's also an opportunity to become the full woman you are. Taking some time to explore your role models as a child and your thoughts and feelings about mothering, is a starting point to know where you at now, and may be something to look at if you suffer from post partum depression.

Identifying your own inner voice makes you more conscious of what's going on inside you. Create a space to explore how you would like to be a mother:

• What does it mean to you?


• Are there role models you can identify with?

Identifying within you the expressions of the powerful mother archetype is a process unique to each individual. There are many different aspects to mothering and taking up the role does not require you to give up aspect of whom you are. It's an expansive process as you breathe life into becoming more of whom you truly are.

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